Intimate relationships are how we learn our earliest patterns. Intimate relationships are how our souls grow. Most of us develop patterns of interaction early in our life with our mother and father. Those patterns sometimes become evident in our adult life at work, at school, or in an intimate personal relationship. Our patterns manifest as we grow older based on experience and self confidence. Many of us have confidence issues because our parents made mistakes because their parents made mistakes and so on. And I believe that many of us live in the past/present. We base our responses to circumstances based on past similar circumstances.
What would it be like to live fully in the moment and not allow any past life challenges to interfere with the present? We need to learn through our lifetime but not allow the past to become the present by repeating old patterns of thoughts and behaviors. That is simple but not always easy.
One friend and client asked for my help in understanding and resolving a relationship issue with her boyfriend. They had been together in the past and the relationship fell apart due to patterns of behavior that were cropping up. Issues of projection, wanting and believing that your partner is different than they indeed are, and becoming critical when the realization hits that they are who they are not who you believe they can be. They reunited after each had worked on their own personal challenges. Everything was great until a miscommunication occurred. Then old patterns of disappointment,hurt feelings, and fear of falling back into a dysfunctional relationship.
She and I talked about what happened and how it made her feel. We then talked about how she felt about her partner. We talked about how her response could be based on the past, and how it would be different to keep her response in the present moment. We were able to create a healthy response and her partner was grateful for the opportunity to amend the situation. They are continuing to grow together and as separate individuals.
Relationships push us to our limits and offer tremendous growth. I am available for guidance if you should need it.
Love and Blessings,